Winter funk

I think I have been depressed for over a month. The world seems dark and cold and mean. I don’t want to socialize, I don’t want to read or watch movies, I want to lock my house, close all the blinds, and hide under the covers in my bed.

This kind of came to a head yesterday. After Pilates I went to the store to pick up dinner. I was wearing my standard workout clothes: a food stained t-shirt from Macy’s, an Old Navy hoodie, gym shorts from Nike, and my new and very much not New Balance gym shoes. Oh, and those little white socks that almost are not visible. I don’t know where I got those socks. Anyway, several women Metropolitan Market came up to me and said “God I feel cold just looking at you!” I was like, what? I checked my phone: 39 degrees and raining. I looked outside, dark grey at 1:30 PM. Oh, it must be winter. When did that happen?

How did I miss it, that it was winter? I have been in a funky fog since early November. At some subconscious level I must have known it was winter because last weekend I took my winter coat to the dry cleaners. I was supposed to pick it up today. I call it my “good cloth coat” to evoke the coat that Pat Nixon wore back in those days when evil lying Republicans were a minority and their hijinks were not so scary . Oh, the good old days.

Leaving Metropolitan Market, I headed to the dry cleaners only to find all the rest of West Seattle was shut down. Power was out, fire trucks and ambulances were everywhere. I think we’ll just have to get used to this now, total chaos, during this period of darkness. 

After about an hour of driving back roads I was able to make it to my dry cleaners. In broken English the owner said, “You can drop off but you can’t pick up. No power!” “But my good cloth coat is back there!” I whined. “You come back when power on.” Well, logistically that means next Saturday. Great, here I am stuck in the middle of winter without a good cloth coat. I wish those women at the store never told me it was winter.

I bought that coat in Paris. In the sixth. Obama was president. The world was sunny, bright, and optimistic. That coat cost about as much as my car. I had no concerns about paying for it because the world was a safe place, back then. I miss my good cloth coat. I miss sunlight and hope.

This morning at 6:00AM it was still winter so I did my best to bundle up without my good cloth coat. I have a Tommy Bahama windbreaker that I got in Maui. I paired it with a giant long scarf that I also got in Paris and some huge wool mittens that were a gift from Iceland. Walking the several miles from where I park to where I work I felt safe and warm just like I used to until about a month ago. But it did not last, once I got to work.

What is a boy to do to get out of this dark funk? Well go to Maui obviously. It has been 7 whole months since I have been to Hawai'i. I think it’s time to plan a trip to the world’s most remotest place, 5000 miles from Washington, DC, where there are palm trees, and sunlight, and hope.

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