Zombie! Zombie!

So there was a moment last winter when I knew it was all over.  I had to get up in front of the entire department at work and speak about something.  My voice started shaking, my hand started shaking, I peed on the floor.  It was bad.  And it's not like I didn't start job hunting the next day. But I just couldn't find anything that would pay me gobs of money and have Fresca on tap. Slowly over the following months things just got worse at work until the Big Ax fell.  It was like my career died that cold winter day and it just took me a while to figure it out. 

In the same light I think I may have actually died on Ax Day and I just have not figured it out yet.  First there is all the weird crap going on with my body hair.  As I said last week, my ear hair is growing exponentially.  So is my nose hair.  Today I found several super long eye brows that were not there yesterday.  I braided them and put some little red beads in as kind of a clove head homage, but it is disturbing, this hair growth. Isn't there something about the hair of dead people continuing to grow even after they are buried?  

Next, my right legs is coved in little red sores.  Sure, some of them are mosquito bites, some are bumps and bruises I always get when I get in and out of my car too fast.  But there are other open sores, kind of zombie-like and oozing.  Mark and I discussed this last night and decided that since my left leg looked fine maybe only half of me was dead. And given that  I was craving Indian food much more than brains, we were not too concerned.  However, while watching House Hunters International last night one of the toenails on my left foot just popped off.  Just...pop!  I am really not accustomed to parts of my body falling off.  What is a boy supposed to do when he realizes he's undead?  Well, write a poem of course:

My hair grows fast
My legs have sores
Pieces of me are cast
They fall on the floors
I'm a zombie poet
And I'm starting to show it

Zombie?  Really?  Why the fuck couldn't I be a vampire and be all pretty and young and live forever? Ooh, wait.  That would not play well with my love of Buffy.  

I have an acupuncture appointment today and we will discuss this.  Normally when she pokes me with needles all that comes out is wine, but I am worried what will happen today. Black goo?  I can already tell you what she is going to say, "Western medicine only treats the symptoms of zombieism, whereas Chinese medicine treats the whole zombie and addresses the underlying cause."

Sigh.  I've just started doing Pilates three times a week and the gym every other day.  Am I going to have to stop all that due to fear of flinging appendages?
More later.....





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