Kruptify my love

I have a terrible cold, or maybe the flu. It started yesterday at noon. My neck started hurting, my nose started running, I started sneezing, and my lungs filled up with goo. I was en route to the gym, but the symptoms came on so fast I felt like Gwyneth Paltrow in Contagion. 

Instead of going to the gym we just bought stuff for dinner and came home and watched old Star Trek movies. The good kind with Jean-Luc, not James T. 

While at the store I thought I would do something good for myself so I bought a big bottle of Kampucha. Kampucha is kind of rotted tea slime that those annoying people who shop at Whole Foods like. I got the kind with green algae from Crater Lake in it. I am sure this is all very, very good for you. I sat down to have a glass while watching The Borg attack earth and Mark cooked dinner. I had a sip and then decided it would go better with a large glug of Stoli in it. It did. 

Mark made me this wonderful roast chicken with carrots and brussel sprouts. Brussels Sprouts? Brussle sprouts?

Anyway, he paid for dinner, cooked dinner, cleaned up, and then I went to bed. I woke up at 1:00am unable to breath and unable to sleep. I had purchased some Alka Selzer Cold Medicine, but that really does not work. I should have gotten some proper drugs like Thera-Flu or NyQuil. 

At 2am I tried more Alka Selzer Cold Medicine with a Xanax in it but then I just laid there all stressed out that I was mixing drugs and was going to die. 

Finally I just got up, got on my iPad and started watching episodes of the new Nigella Lawson show on You Tube. If you know me, and since there are only two readers of this blog you probably do know me, you understand how much I love Nigella. She has a new cook book and show out in the UK, Nigellissima. Some lovely human being named Kruptify has been posting the episodes on You Tube after they run in BBC2 each week. God Bless Kruptify. 

Nigella and I made it through the long night together.

Around 3:30am I heard a neighbor screaming his head off as someone tried to break into his house. That did not exactly relax me or make me drowsy. But watching Nigella cook pasta with peas and pancetta did calm me down. 

At 4:30am remembered I had one of those stupid Neti Pot things. You know, the water boarding device developed by the Bush Administration? I stood in the shower and poured salty water through my nasal cavities wondering what I had done to deserve this. Do you know what the Neti Pot did to help? Absolutely nothing. 

Sleepless in Seattle at 6:00am I finally found an ancient packet of Thera-Flu Daytime. This did slow the snot drainage a bit and by 7:00am I finally fell asleep for a little while only to be awoken by kittens wanting to be fed. 

It is now after 2:00pm. I have showered and I am off to go buy some Contagion Strength Thera-Flu and proper NyGuil. And no Kampucha.





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