Let’s see. All week I still had this terrible cold. I wore a surgical mask at work most of the week so I would not infect anyone, but by Friday I decided I pretty much hated everyone so I just coughed freely.
In some kind of karmic retribution, Friday evening I started coughing so hard I burst a blood vessel in my right eye ball.
Saturday morning I awoke to bloody zombie eye. I should of just stayed home but I had to take my car in for service. In the suburbs. In another area code.
The guy at the counter was kind of snotty and rude. “It will take at least an hour and a half for us to check why that warning light is on sir.” I took off my sunglasses and stared at him with my bloody zombie eye. “Oh. Wow. I’m sorry, I think we can get you right through sir.” I went into the waiting room to drink coffee and read. I kept my one good eye closed and my bloody zombie eye open and just kept looking up and staring at people. No one tried to sit on the couch with me. I need to investigate options for bloody zombie eye contacts.
Within 10 minutes my car was ready. I went to a rearby Rite Aid to find some over the counter cure for bloody zombie eye. This hilarious Chinese pharmacist recommended this concoction of herbs and chemicals to boil up in a pot and then soak on my face with doused towel. Yes! Just like William Hurt in Japan in Until the End of the World. I knew you would think of that scene. Good job!
Pharmacist also made me get a flu shot then she hit me up for a job at the foundation. There is a…an…a…Uwajimaya next store to this suburban Rite Aide. I walked in to find a Hawaiian band playing and old ladies doing the hula. I closed my bloody zombie eye I and just watched them play with my one good eye. Oh Hawai’i. 12 days away. I let the anti-hell-mouth music wash over me and I zoned out for a bit. Then one of the hula dancers gestured to my bloody zombie eye. I popped it open and she made the shaka gesture. Suddenly my eye felt different, and my lungs too. Weird.
I stocked up on 100% buckwheat soba noodles, dashi, garlic bean paste, and really cheap dried shitake mushrooms. When I got back to the car I put on the Hawaiian Radio Connection on 91.3 FM. As I was backing up to leave I looked in the review mirror. Bloody zombie eye was gone! And my cough? My cough was gone too! This is why you need to go to Hawaii two three times a year people. It’s very good for you.
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