Wax

I just got up from my desk and went into the coffee room to get some coffee. There is a bowl of chocolate in there so I grabbed a piece. Normally I would not do this, because as you know, chocolate is for girls.


Usually when I put a piece of chocolate in my mouth all I can think of is wax. Cold, dry, flavorless wax. Now don’t get me wrong, sometimes, rarely, chocolate is OK for dessert. Like if you are at Roy’s in Waikiki and you preorder your chocolate soufflé and it comes out 40 minutes later and the molten chocolate pours out of the little cake and into your raspberry sauce and vanilla ice cream. That does not suck too much. But eating chocolate is not like that. It's like eating a candle that you got from your grandma's house.

I have bought these expensive high cacao content chocolate bars before. Usually these are just more intensely and costly flavored wax.


I buy my parents Fran’s Chocolate for birthdays, Father’s Day, Mother’s Day, etc. Once in a while if I am over there I eat one. I am sorry, but, wax. The salted caramels totally do not suck, as long as you pronounce the word caramel correctly. Car-mul. Car-mul. Please! No one on earth has ever eaten a car-a-mel apple. God!


I can eat anything with vanilla in it and just close my eyes and float away in tongue ecstasy, but chocolate? No. Wax.


How can I just not get this? Half the world is girls. They can’t be all wrong can they?


Actually, while vanilla is fine, I’d really rather have salt. Crab dip, magic potatoes, some morel mushrooms sautéed in garlic and butter and tossed with some good pasta and a white Bordeaux. Just a piece of Stilton on a cracker whilst drinking a martini or two. Now that can make a boy fall down and wet his pants.


Chocolate?


Chocolate is for girls.


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