Never Meant To Be

Today was my last day in Bellevue. I am not looking back fondly.

That first day, July 30th, was rather telling. I drove up I-5 expecting to see the skyline. Nope, all covered in fog and gloom.

Crossing the lake I could not see the water, the mountains, or Bellevue’s skyline. All covered in fog and gloom.

You will recall there was nothing here that day. No people, no computer, no monitor, no phone, no manager. There was fog and gloom.  And a zombie loose in the building, but I digress.

The last 8.5 months have been more of the same. Isolating, depressing, gloomy, stupid.

Today I decided to drive up I-5 again instead of sneaking through Rainier Valley to get to the bridge. The morning sun was just hitting the tallest towers. Quite dramatic -- suggesting a future of hope and accomplishment. I felt like Yentl. Coming out of the tunnel onto the bridge deck the sun had just made it over the Cascades and was bathing the lake in an orange glow. Florence + The Machine were belting out You Got the Love to me. Perfect.

I have absolutely no doubt that I am doing the right thing.

But I am still scared shitless.

------------------------------

I am leaving Bellevue now to head to Renton to have a goodbye lunch with my team there. I have packed up my stuff and head out. Because I always need a sound track for everything single thing in my life I put on So Long Loney Avenue by Rickie Lee Jones. This is the song I listened to as I drove out of Yakima en route to my first day of collage. I don’t fuck around with Rickie Lee Jones. She is the singular big gun for emotional drama soundtrack in my life. No Madonna today. Not even Aimee Mann or Lucinda Williams. Rickie means this is big shit.

Just as I update Facebook to announce the I am leaving stupid Bellevue for the last time a bear walks up and scratches my car. So perfect.

----------------------------------

Lunch with the Renton team was actually fine. I had been dreading this because I hate them and did not want to have lunch with them, but they bought me presents and paid for lunch and did the appropriate amount of thanking and acknowledging. I surprised that I enjoyed this. Nice way to close an emotional door here. Very Joseph Campbell. 

Sinead O'connor's Last Day of Our Acquaintance is my music of choice on the way home.

OK, two more days…..

.