My back YARD?!?

Yes, yes, I posted an earlier version of this a few days ago and I also posted this on Facebook today (without pictures). This one is funnier so suck it.

My entire back yard is a SWAMP. All the grass has been eaten by moss and SAND WORMS:

My eucalyptus tree froze to death this winter:

My giant rosemary bush froze to death this winter. I had that rosemary bush for 10 years! 

The STUPID MINT that I also planted 10 YEARS AGO that is eating the foundation of my house DID NOT freeze to death this winter. 



So.......I have put out for bid a job to have NAPALM dropped from BLACK HELICOPTERS, then cement trucks will come in and PAVE IT OVER as if there had been a nuclear meltdown. Then I am going to a team of local sustainable artisans cover the cement with a layer of differently shaped pieces of slate so that I will get some kind of Buddhist spa like party space/bbq/veg-in-pots thing back there. Here are samples:




THIS IS GOING TO COST $$$. I am wondering how long it will take the SAND WORMS and STUPID MINT to come back and destroy it all.
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I don't know what I am going to do with these fools:
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