Health Issues

I was in Safeway last night to buy some Vaseline. I saw myself on the security camera. It was looking down on me from above. I screamed as I saw my bald spot and right then the camera zoomed in on it.

I have a small boulder or meteorite or something wedged between my right top tooth in the back and the tooth next to it. Totally pissing me off. My tongue won’t leave it alone.

In December I had my skin doctor burn off this little head or something that was growing on the side of my face. It was small, orange, with some red dots on it. It’s growing back now, my mini-me. Hello little friend. Didn't I leave you in the United Kingdom four years ago?

Before Christmas, my Primary Care Physician and I were discussing if I should go on cholesterol medication. As you know I have been very careful about what I eat (as opposed to what I drink) since last March. My numbers are almost OK. He suggested that I go get a CAT scan to see if the arteries around my heart are all clogged up with good cheese from France. For $150 you can pay someone to shave your chest, stick you in a big machine, and have you hold your breath while you get irradiated. Kind of cool actually. I have since learned that my arteries are not filled with cheese, French or otherwise.

The other day my new Toyota Rav 4 suddenly accelerated while I was stopped in traffic on the side of a hill. It scared the crap out of me. Fortunately I had my foot on the brake at the time and was thoughtful enough to put the stupid car into neutral until it calmed the fuck down. Car has a check-up scheduled for Saturday.

It occurs to me that this all has to be connected to the big die off of black birds and fish in The Confederacy and the equally large die off of crabs in England in the last week.

Time to go play Plants vs. Zombies.

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