Drink your pee

As you know, because I have been whining about this for five weeks now, I have been on this alcohol-free diet in an attempt to avoid getting diabetes.

Units were consumed last weekend, but it was my birthday so that does not count. They were really good units of Cava and Albariño at The Harvest Vine which made them even better.

Unfortunately birthday units were not the only ones. I was watching United States of Tara with Mark and it was very stressful. By the time Nurse Jackie came on I needed a drink or I was just going to kill myself. All I had around the house was that Andrea McArdle wine I bought in Yakima a few weeks ago. Red. Some Cabernet Sauvignoak thing. Ick.

You are already aware of my feelings about oak. No need to pontificate on that vile substance here. About halfway through the glass I looked up at Mark and said: “I really agree with Chelsea Handler on this. Why on earth would anyone want to come home from a hard day at work and drink a glass of this room temperature sludge?  This is so stupid. What I need after a day at work is a not dry Bombay Sapphire martini straight up with a twist and some twinkling ice crystals floating on top!”

In the middle of this speech I got a text message from red wine drinker Zana, who I have not heard from in a while. All it said was “Drink your peeeeee!” I responded back that I booed the choice*. 

Oh I miss you, Zana! You are one of my few fond memories of the mermaid.

Ugh. That makes me think of work. I’m going through one of those major transitions right now just like I was when I met Zana. New job, new boss, unclear path, not sure anyone has my back. Makes me want to drink….but then I think about going blind or having to have my legs amputated….and l want a martini even more. 

But no, I am being good. I fit into some old pants today. Then some guy I work with asked if I was ill because I looked skinnier. I kissed him. 

Looking ill and talking about amputated limbs reminds me that it is still Zombie Awareness Month. This was emailed to me today:

I suppose that when you are holed up in your house with the windows boarded and zombies peeking through that drinking your pee is a viable option. I’d rather have a martini.

* with respect and admiration to Cheryl Trykv!


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