So hot!

It is 102 degrees outside. It is 102 degrees inside my house too. My electronic meat thermometer confirms this sweltering horror.

This has been going on for days now. I always have trouble sleeping, but I really have not slept since it started. Windows open = bad. Airplane noise, sirens, random gun fire, vampires scraping at the screen, they all keep me awake. Yes, I know that you have to invite vampires in, but at 2:00 AM I am not really capable of rational thought...

I also cannot sleep with any kind of white noise. Having a fan on just means that I will not hear the zombies coming to eat my brain. I never should have watched 28 Days Later. I do have a bugler alarm, which is very, very loud and certainly would overpower any white noise from a fan. But again I am not rational at 2am. I want to hear my zombies coming before they get here.

Since this heat started I have had to keep the windows open and four fans running in my bedroom. This basically ensures there is no way I am going to sleep. Two nights ago, in a desperate move, I tried to sleep with the windows closed and the fans off. Since it is 102 both inside and outside it should not matter, but the cats got mad and then in an attempt to get me to do anything about this they flicked little beads of cat sweat on me all night. At 2am I gave up, opened the windows and turned back on the cats. The cats slept fine. I did not.

On the bright side I do have this new family of fans that I am calling my fanily:


As I said, I don't ever get a good night's sleep at the best of times, but 5 days on this getting debilitating. If this is the face of global warming then I am so sorry for every plastic grocery bag I have ever used. Actually, I will take a plastic bad and hold it over the face of global warming and suffocate the fucker.

About 3AM last night I decided to go outside, open my garage door, turn on my car, and sleep in the car with the air conditioning on. I saw that most of my neighbors had already thought of this and were happily asleep in their garages, car engines running away. I was about to join them when it occurred to me that this solution would probably provide no support against zombies or vampires....do vampires have to ask to come into your car?

I have been looking at escaping to a downtown high-rise hotel. Air conditioning, blackout curtains, too high up for vampires to scratch at the window screens. Hotel 1000 and the Alexis are over $300. The Four Seasons is sold out (apparently this is not an original idea on my part). The W has a room with a King size bed for $239. It is so temping. The last time I had a good night's sleep was at the Westin in San Antonio in 2005. I love high rise hotels...

What is an Orange Clove Head to do? I shall ponder my hotel options...

In the mean time go listen to this: