Wichita Lineman

Do you ever sit at work trying to clean up your 2009 performance goals and think, "Golly, there is absolutely no connection between this crap and what my performance review will be or what my raise will be next year?" Yes, I know you do this. Rather than fret, what you should do instead is listen to Glenn Campbell on your iPhone over and over and over.

Wichita Lineman. Sigh! There is a point at the end where the music swells up and sounds just like the soundtrack to The Endless Summer. Sigh!

Uh oh. The Endless Summer. That makes me think of vacation. I don't have a vacation booked. I got back from Honolulu three weeks ago and I do not have my next trip already planned. What should I do, Glenn! Tell me what to do!

Glenn responds:

"I know I need a small vacation...."

"And I need you more than want you...."

Yes, Vacation, I need you more than want you, because I cannot afford you. We had been kicking around this crazy idea of going to Paris for Christmas. This is crazy because I will not fly coach and of course there is the issue with the cat hating cicada space aliens in France. Also, and primarily, the $4500 hot water heater fiasco earlier this year pretty much nailed any Euro exchanges for a while.

What to do? We looked at Maui for Christmas, but it's almost too late to book anything in Maui for the holidays. Oh Maui. My beloved most perfect Maui. I am such a traitor. It's been a year and a half (unless you count that 2 hour lay over in March). But if I am not playing tour guide with people who have not been to Maui before, a simple 3 day bop over mini-break will meet this need. I'll probably do it at the last minute on Labor Day weekend.

No, I need a trip booked -- a real trip with a foreign language, jet lag, some stupid ass metric system.....Paris? At Christmas? Really? Second mortgage on my house? C'est possible!

Plus tard.......

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OK, The Plan:

1. Take out large line of credit with your credit union that has a lowish interest rate.
2. Find lovely Parisian apartment in the 4th using the people you rented the house in Provence from: http://www.france-monaco-rentals.com/france/paris/apartments/paris-vieille-du-temple/
3. Go to Air France Web Site. Look at cost. Try not to throw up.
4. Book First Class tickets, charging them to your Hawaiian Airlines Visa card so that at least you get Hawaiian Miles that you can use for a mini-break bop over to Maui sooner rather than later.
5. Use line of credit to pay off credit card.
6. Make payments on the line of credit and pay off the outrageously expensive airline tickets before you actually go on the trip.

How does this sound? Glenn? What do you think?

Glenn responds:

“And I need you more than want you and I want you for all time….”

That is really not terribly helpful Glenn. Aren’t you supposed to talk me out of this, live within my means, something conservative and midwestern like that?

Endless Summer music rises up, filling me with vacation needing longingness.

Wow. I think we are going to do this. Like a Rhinestone Cowboy...in Paris.

Plus tard...

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Yes, of course I did it. It's now the shortest day of the year. We'll be in Paris on the longest day of the year. I have a second or third mortgage on my house. First Class tickets have been purchased. Flat is rented, although this is flat # 2 as some rat fuckers rented flat # 1 out from under us. Here is flat # 2: http://www.france-monaco-rentals.com/france/paris/apartments/paris-guisarde/

I am afraid. This is so much money. What if I get laid off? What is France goes to war against America. What if I do not lose 100 pounds before I go on this trip? Glenn? Glenn?

Glenn does not respond. Je pense que Glenn ne parle pas français.

Suddenly my iPhone clicks to the fourth track on the latest Morrissey album.



Tres Bien!

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