Someone at work told me yesterday that I looked and acted like I was in my late 30’s and that I should take that as a compliment. I did. Then my boss went out of her way to inform me that I am older than her. It was like that old David Sedaris joke where your doctor, who makes $500,000 a year, looks at your chart and says “Gee, we both graduated from high school the same year.” Great.
I am not doing a big thing this year. I did a big thing last year. I am going to Honolulu in exactly 14 days so I will celebrate there.
I am touting this trip as a stay-cation. Stay-cation is that annoying buzz word created by the media recently where people stay home for vacation instead of going on a trip because the economy is so bad. Apparently the idea is that if you do not spend any money and the entire economy collapses somehow that is going to help things. So stupid. Being the fiscally irresponsible and emotionally immature person that I am there is no way in hell I am buying into this crap, so this is a stay-cation only because Hawaii is my spiritual homeland so bopping over for a new days really is like staying at home. Got it?
I am grumpy this year. I went to The Body Shop the other day to pick up shaving cream and this really annoying little 20 year old mo named Juan who works there said, “Wouldn’t you like to try this new vitamin E serum for your face? It helps with the fine lines and wrinkles!” Thanks Juan. Yes I am old enough to be your father. Now shut the hell up before I spank you. It is true though. Fine lines and wrinkles are overtaking my face. I have hard, wire like grey hairs sprouting from the sides of my head, and my body hurts all the time. I did yard work last weekend and I was so sore on Monday I could barely move.
Roxanne turned 40 a few weeks ago. I was explaining to her that I openly wept at the stroke of midnight when I turned 40. Mark and I were walking on the beach in Maui. I had to send him back to the condo so I could mourn in private. Roxanne had a totally different and very healthy attitude about this. She was like, “Hey I am just glad to be alive. Having another birthday is better than the alternative.” Well how perfectly grown up and zen of you Roxanne. Whatever. I chose bitterness and whining instead.
Who else has a birthday today? Here is who:
1968 Traci Lords, porn star
1962 Robbie Knievel, son of Evel
1934 Willard Scott, weatherman
1958 Kate Zovich, female impersonator
1923 Anne Baxter, actress
1919 Eva Peron-Duarte, 1st lady / actress
1901 Gary Cooper, actor
1840 Peter Tchaikovsky
1833 Johannes Brahms, composer
Ouch! I just yanked out a really hard spiky grey nose hair! Ouch! I thought that a sudden shock to my system might snap me out of this funk, but no, I am stuck in bitter whiney mode.
At least I am younger than Zovich. And the Space Needle.
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